Disclaimer: Please do not allow yourself to drop into fear for any reason if you read this. It is meant to be informative, not to scare people. If you have a concern about your spiritual or energetic health, see a specialist just as you would for a physical concern.
Everything has an energy or frequency bandwidth associated with it. From a spiritual perspective, you could say there is a 'spirit' or consciousness associated with all things, both organic and synthetic. It may be easy to believe that a plant or an animal has a soul, because they are living beings. It may also be easy to believe that an animal or plant has a 'spirit,' such as when we talk about the idea of a 'spirit animal.' When people are referring to 'spirit animals' they may be referring more to the spirit of the collective energy of a species, as opposed to an individual animal's soul. What might be a more obscure belief is the concept of inanimate objects having a spirit or a soul (animism). Take that concept a bit further and you can see how a power plant or a corporate 'entity' has a spirit. If you have ever created a piece of music or art, built a piece of furniture, or even an electrical system, you can understand how your work may have had a certain personality by the time it was complete. This is how I perceive things in my energy work, so the spiritual healing that I facilitate is often conveyed in terms of the spirit of the thing or issue I'm addressing. I also see these 'spirits' in terms of doorways or portals to various energetic bandwidths, frequencies, and spiritual domains.
Plants for example are commonly used to access spiritual domains, and they are seen as medicine because of their ability to bring healing energies from the spirit world. In shamanic communities, plants have spiritual names, their own preferences, songs, allies, networks, secrets, and wisdom. Regardless of what it does to consciousness, there is a spirit associated with each plant, and the bandwidth associated with plant spirits could simply be referred to as the 'realm of the plant people.' It is a larger domain or bandwidth in which many spirits dwell. Likewise, synthetic pharmaceuticals also have a spirit, and a doorway into a spiritual dimension. The main 'realms' I encounter are either 'organic' and associated with the earth or the cosmos, or they are 'synthetic.' The synthetic realms have various labels within the jargon of the spiritual communities I'm familiar with. 'False light,' 'synthetic matrix,' and 'belief system matrix' are all terms I have used. I also refer to various domains as 'grids' such as the 'AI (artificial intelligence) grid' or the 'Kundalini grid,' etc.
As an example, if I am working with someone who has taken a drug like methamphetamine, they often find themselves walking into a portal of the 'demonic realm,' or what I might call a 'religious belief system matrix.' It is simply a bandwidth that they have entered spiritually, by way of the spirit of methamphetamine. Basically, synthetic drugs tend to take people to synthetic domains, and organic substances tend to be portals to natural spiritual realms. If this is not clear on a conscious level, it may well show up in dreams. (I know its a lot of jargon, bear with me).
The organic or natural realms are considered such because they are associated with the original energy of creation, organic light waves and particles, and their associated codes of information, original DNA. A genetically modified organism is a combo of false light and organic light. With the advance of synthetic technologies, we find ourselves in an increasingly complicated world from a spiritual perspective. Spiritual healers must navigate not only the tried and true shamanic (natural) realms, and the religious belief system matrices, but also the realms of artificial intelligence. It gets really weird when you throw in the extra-terrestrials. In a nutshell, extra-terrestrials that operate on lower frequency bandwidths are heavily associated with the AI realm, as they have been deeply involved in it's creation in the first place. I tend to refer to 'higher' vibrational extra-terrestrials more in terms of light-beings than in terms of aliens or ET's, but that's a personal distinction.
As humans today, creatures of organic light, built by and attuned to organic substances, are constantly consuming synthetic substances and AI technologies. How does this affect us spiritually?
Well, I believe that inanimate or inorganic things have a 'spirit' or consciousness imprint associated with them, but I do not believe that inorganic things have a soul. I believe the soul is of the light. It is important for organic beings to be connected to that (divine) light, and to source energy from that light. Synthetic creation does not have it's own source of energy, and needs an organic source to fuel from. The more we sustain artificial creation by fueling it, the more we burden and damage our organic bodies (earth mother and our physical body). This is why low-vibe ETs and entities are often called parasites. These parasites tend to find ways to access fuel from organic beings. These avenues or portals are accessed by way of synthetic drugs or foods, mind-altering substances (even organic ones), various forms of media, and by penetration through inorganic electromagnetic fields. (Trauma that has affected the energy body is also an access point, as are chakras).
Most common in my experience with media are things like 'fake news,' pornography, certain advertisements, horror films, and ritualistic pop culture performances, among others. A big thing here is the element of emotion. Horror films produce fear, drop our vibration to a lower bandwidth, and open us up energetically as a match to a lower vibrating energy that may want to source from us at that level. Pornography exploits the avenue of our sexual energy by dropping it to a low frequency, etc. It's simply a vibrational match that exploits our powers of emotion, sexuality, etc. Our greatest powers are also our weaknesses. These energetic exploitations show up often as little 'hooks,' or mechanical looking implants in the etheric field. Essentially watching lots of porn could have caused an etheric 'hook' to be implanted into your energy body, as an example. Moderation people!
As for technology, it is very common for people to experience problems when they are in constant barrage by wifi, electronic devices, batteries, electrical outlets, satellite dishes, etc. The area of the home where the satellite dish and/or power lines are attached, is a very vulnerable location. For people who have the high-sensitive trait, they can physically feel electromagnetic frequencies. I personally get very uncomfortable in electric cars, in apartment buildings with multiple wifi networks, and even sleeping in a room with a modem.
From what I've observed in my healing practice, people tend to have their own genetic as well as karmic predispositions to certain things. For example, if you take a pharmaceutical medication, you may have side effects, but you won't have every side effect, and you may not have any (noticeably). A loose example would be if a drug has side effects relating to both the muscular system and the nervous system, an athlete may be more likely to experience issues with the muscular system, whereas an academic may experience the nervous system side effects. Something about the vibrations we already carry tend to attract certain things more than others.
Usually, the antidote for the negative effects of merging with too many inorganic 'spirits' is to dissolve the connection to the parasite, close the energetic portal to that vibrational level, and make serious efforts to re-infuse the body with a steady and strong supply of organic light fuel. Wholistic healing is so foreign to Western medicine, and to our psyches as humans in the 21st century. We know that by the time we have physical ailments we might need to make physical changes, but the physical issues originated in the land of energetic wave patterning. Mental health issues are spiritual issues, physical issues are energetic issues, etc. Most people need to approach healing from many angles. This is why taking meds might address a symptom, but it comes with side effects because it's not attuned to our natural codes and energy patterns. If you're having a major issue, you may want to make sure your 'hooks' and implants are dissolved, blockages in your natural energy flow are combed out, and connection with source energy are maximized.
There is this notion of 'boundary issues' that comes up sometimes. The idea of 'boundaries' is somewhat ethereal and abstract; It may be easy to conceptualize, but it's not easy to have a grounded understanding of it in the body. I'll attempt to explain that from an energetic (and psychological) standpoint, there's a huge difference between boundaries and defenses, and I'll share some ways to work with it.
I studied human development in college while training to become an educator, and that field of study happens to be super relevant to a lot of therapy and self-help practices, especially inner child work, shadow work, and psychoanalysis in general. I know that we develop trust and self-worth patterns in our infancy stage of development (birth to age two). I bring this up because trust and self-worth are essential in our relationship to boundaries. It's fairly straight-forward: If we didn't have all of our emotional or physical needs met in infancy, we may not have developed healthy trust structures. Perhaps we learned that our needs would not be met UNLESS, and we began to develop some self-worth issues as well. It's also possible to develop issues later in life, especially through PTSD and certain nervous system responses, say from intense grief or violence, etc. But generally, our trust structures (boundaries) were developed in infancy. Generally children are very resilient, but they also are fragile in the sense that they are so malleable and not fully developed. When they experience trauma, they are more likely to crack in their energy body than an adult would be, and their development is molded differently.
Boundaries relate to how we give and receive in our relationships with anything. A whole cascade of other issues can spin out from this one concept of boundaries, like our feelings about money and food, fear and survival instincts, but I'll try to stay on point. At a basic energetic level, boundaries refer to one's energy field, which could be seen as a bubble with a skin around it, and it has a generative source essence associated with it. If there are boundary issues, there are holes in the energy field (either literally as a tear in the luminous energy body, or metaphorically as trying to fill an unmet need through inappropriate actions). We may be giving too much, or taking too much, and this is an imbalance that can be corrected with practice.
For most people reading my blog, I would guess the issue is giving too much, or leaking energy at a slow drip, or several slow drips. This causes exhaustion, despondency, resentment, all sorts of reactions. Healing your boundaries simply requires closing up the holes and leaks. I'll explain that later. If you don't do it on your own, the universe will likely send you someone who will sense your holes and eagerly exploit your energy as a source of fuel. This exploitation usually makes for some serious defense mechanisms to be constructed as backlash, and is the natural process of the nervous system on burn-out mode.
Defenses are not our natural-born boundaries. They are constructs that have been developed from a sense of fear. Where healthy boundaries could be seen as a gentle bubble of light, defenses can be seen as fortified walls and armor. I see them as overcompensations. They may be necessary in certain traumatic situations, (they are natural nervous system responses in many cases), but they are not necessary to maintain at a chronic level. They come from fear and therefore indicate that the person who is using them is in a state of fear and distress, and energetically destabilized, or is maintaining old structures even though the perceived danger has passed. A healthy state of being includes healthy boundaries and minimal defenses, in my opinion.
Coming back into balance and creating healthy boundaries would first require removing the defenses that have been built up over time. If a person wanted to have a deep connection with another person, their boundaries would have to be healthy to establish a secure bond. Unhealthy boundaries create codependent bonds and toxic relationships. Having heavy defense mechanisms creates insecure bonds, or an inability to develop true intimacy. If a person truly wants a stable, healthy relationship, these issues, each and every one, must be addressed. 'There is no short-cut', 'the only way out is through', etc. Having healthy boundaries also makes it easier to notice if other people we may be in relationship to have healthy boundaries themselves, and can help us make healthier choices when it comes to choosing friends, business partners, and intimate partners.
So how do we address these issues and how does it relate to how we source energy in the first place?
It is one thing to sit in talk therapy and unpack all your childhood experiences. It is quite another thing to actually undergo a transformational process with this material. This is where talk therapy often falls short, and why people sit in therapy for decades with minimal progress. It's not juicy enough. Gathering the information itself is the first step, (where and when did our issues arise), but the juice is in processing the emotions and turning the weaknesses into strengths (shadow work). Feeling the repressed feelings fully, honoring them and letting them go, and creating new methods of responding to emotional triggers and situations is generally what is required to 'heal' the issues. Finding a sense of self-worth again creates an inner peace that is hard to shake. This work will minimize reactions and allow for healthy and conscious responses instead. I repeatedly recommend the Inner Child Workbook by Cathryne Taylor, The Grief Recovery Method, PTSD and trauma recovery, and/or working with dreams as a few examples. It also helps to have some sort of ritual or ceremony: Once the shadow aspects of ourselves have been identified, they are then integrated into our psyche and claimed as strengths. (The shadow aspect of being a 'bitch' and hiding it under a mask of being inauthentically nice can be transformed and reclaimed as the strength of being able to speak up for oneself and maintain proper boundaries, for example). Once the shadow aspect is reclaimed, it can be nice to have an object or ceremony or something to solidify the process. Perhaps creating a medicine bundle, dedicating an amulet, or even getting a tattoo, making a personal symbol...something to commemorate the progress. It is worth celebrating, and serves to anchor the transformation into physicality, which is the final important piece of all transformative work.
My writing would not be complete without addressing the woo aspects of this work, the energetic stuff, so here it is. If defenses are erected as response to boundaries being crossed, it is possible the boundaries were not there in the first place. Maybe they were, but maybe they weren't. When I sit in meditations or ceremonies, sometimes I can perceive an outside energy in my field of perception. By studying and practicing energy work, I have developed a good sense of what is 'my' energy, and what is not. It used to be that I would panic if I sensed someone else in my field, something uninvited, (psychic attack!). I would go into defense mode. 'I better make a wall of gold around me' or something of that nature. When I tried channeling a few years back, I was actually inviting in things that did not have my best interest in mind. I wasn't ready for that kind of work because my boundaries were not so good. I could't determine if something was healthy for me or not, because I over-trusted. I over-gave. I over extended my personal energy all the time because I thought it defined my worth and identity as a person. I was wrong, and I still had a lot of self-worth work to do. I paid for that in many ways, and often found a security breach in my system. When energetic security breaches happened though, I was able to see where I had a hole, a leak, or a weakness. I found that after all the panic and defense building, the only thing that actually healed anything was to relax, trust in myself, and open my heart. Not close my heart, but expand it as wide as I could. From there I knew I was safe, I was powerful, and I was in my essence. Nothing could penetrate that, and there was nothing more to fear. It all dissolved. Even when I am literally being psychically attacked, in the end, it is gratitude, compassion, and love that raise the vibration around me and offer true sanctuary. It's the only 'real' protection. It was through those life experiences that I could fully realize my boundary issues. So it goes! I am grateful for my adversaries.
The main thing I've learned is that we all have a source energy. I started learning about and using my source energy in grounding exercises way back when. I could visualize it and feel it, and bring it into my body energetically, but I didn't have a fully developed relationship with it until recently. I believe that a lot of people are literally blocked from their source energy. Defenses are essentially blockages to energy flow. They shut down the heart. A highly defensive person is likely very low on energy, and is likely to 'vampire' off other people's energy to stay afloat. I see 'energy vampires' as very wounded and defensive creatures who are simply in survival mode, perhaps harboring lots of unhealed PTSD as well. We don't want to enable that because it isn't in balance, it's not in right relationship, it's not organic. So we release what blockages hinder access to our source energy, we heal the holes in our energy fields, and we begin to access the nectar of life. I now recognize my source energy not just as some out-there energy source from the universe, but as my own personal essence. It is my own essence that I source from. It is my own energetic signature that fills me with the most energy. Yes my personal source is coming from larger sources, you could think of it as our earth-mother source, our solar source, our galactic mother source, and on up into higher universal levels, but it becomes harder to grasp the higher up you go. So I recommend getting familiar with your own individual essence. Find a way to access it effortlessly. It is where your soul meets your physical body. I use my mesa, my medicine bundle, but I also use my own heart. It's whatever works for you and helps you connect to it. Make sure to read your own essence energy carefully so you can recognize it easily, and that will help you understand what 'other' energy is like too. It will help you build the skill of reading energy with greater discernment, and it will also help you to feel connected to all things in the universe. To me that is love, the connection we have to everything, the non-separation. Loving you!
This post, and much of my writing, is for people who have been through an initial spiritual awakening, and are seeking ways to facilitate their upgrade process for the purposes of healing, stepping more fully onto their soul-path, and eventually embodying a position of grounded leadership or service.
Previously I posted about specialty traits in empaths, a major one being the experience of 'having thin skin." Thin skin means being sensitive to energy or emotions, such as electromagnetic frequencies, people who have crossed-over, chi flow in houses, or the unspoken feelings of other people, etc..
There is a distinction between 'empaths' and 'highly sensitive people (HSP).' HSP folks have a genetic trait that is similar to having sensory issues. They reach a state of input overload in the nervous system more quickly than non HSPs, and it's my understanding that this trait affects around 30 percent of people. Empaths can be HSP and vice versa, but neither are necessarily both. Empaths however may have any number of things going on. It could be that they have trauma-induced sensitivities, openings in their energy bodies, or mental health concerns that render them more susceptible to outside energies (or perhaps their sensitivities aggravate their mental health). They could come from a lineage or tradition that cultivated and nourished their sensitivities purposefully. For the purpose of this post it doesn't really matter. My point is it can be helpful to identify what We/You experience as strengths, to be able to use them for our benefit and the benefit of others, and to dispel any fears or issues around them.
There are pros and cons. Many empaths/HSPs are troubled by their sensitivities, especially if they tend to take on dense or negative vibrations that are generated outside of themselves. It can rock us to the core to feel and see certain things, and for many, it causes a great deal of cognitive dissonance, confusion, shame or denial, especially if the person was reared in a tradition that is highly logical/rational/scientific, religious, or what have you. Fear of being labeled a witch or a weirdo is a tough thing for many people.
All humans are innately able to perceive and send out subtle energies. An empath or high-sensitive simply has a system of perception that is extra tuned-in and susceptible to the subtle energies or emotions around them. It is more difficult for them to ignore, but, this could be considered and developed as a superpower as opposed to a weakness. Similar to people who are not neuro-typical having a tendency toward highly developed cognitive intelligences, or the superpower of people who are extremely physical, strong, and courageous (warrior archetypes), though they may be less emotionally attuned (as example). We all have our perks in various ratios.
To elaborate on the benefit of the empath type of superpower I need to evoke the feeling of being an extra-terrestrial, high vibrational being. If you were an ET, and your race did not use verbal language, what would it use to communicate? It would most likely use emotions and telepathy to convey specific energetic impressions as well as light and sound frequencies. I think a lot of empaths identify as starseeds because we can somehow sense that these skills are paramount in a society of highly-evolved consciousness. It is the power of communication, and healing.
I see it as an ability that needs to be developed to further the evolution of humanity in a time when frequencies are accelerating rapidly. If we choose to stay updated we can be at the top of our game through this process, and step into leadership roles to assist others as they awaken and upgrade. How we do this is two things:
1. Learn how to develop our skills of perception and intuition, and to translate our perceptions into meaningful or helpful information. This guides us in our actions, responses, and choices, and assists us in the second task which is:
2. Processing, integrating, and healing old stuff, so we can process current issues more efficiently and effectively. If we can stay updated and current in our lives and issues, and have a proper emotional/energetic/psychological hygiene practice, we can accelerate quite rapidly. This in turn deepens our sensitivity and ability to perceive and translate energy, and we see positive changes in all aspects of our lives.
The point of this post is to encourage people who feel bogged down by their sensitivities to consider getting some training or teachings regarding these processes. Proper training and teachings are important for gaining ethical clarity, and for earning the privilige of the trust of other people. This matters if we don't want to create more karmic attachments, but do want to clear old patterns and baggage, to become lighter. It also matters if we support balance and reciprocity, that we support spiritual sovereignty and autonomy. We help people to be empowered, not take power from them by giving it to ourselves (assuming we are all-knowing and have the authority to tell others how to conduct their lives without being asked for assistance). That is ego out-of-balance.
Here's a scenario: an empath who has strong natural psychic abilities may easily perceive energies, thoughts, or scenarios that are playing out in people's lives. They may not even want to receive this information, but they do. Often the empath has a strong desire to assist and help others, so the psychic empath may begin telling people what they see surrounding them. A person who lacks traditional teachings, trainings, or ethical understandings, may go about planting seeds in other peoples heads that can cause that person to change the course of their lives. This creates a strong karmic attachment. It is not a neutral thing if it causes an imbalance. The teaching around this has to do with the principle of reciprocity, that which keeps things in balance. This is why it's so important for people to be compensated for their work. If someone needs advice they will seek it out and make an offering in exchange. There is no need to force anything.
So, even if you are naturally skilled, I do suggest finding an ethical teacher or healing tradition to consult, especially if you feel called to be of service, to be a healer, or to be in any position of leadership. Our society has forgotten and suppressed these skills, and offers very little to us as education on these matters. This is why so many Westerners are turning to indigenous wisdom keepers. That path can be a rabbit hole and is it's own topic. There are certainly a lot of skilled energy workers and healers who do offer workshops and classes. Get clear on what your path is, what is best for you, and choose a teacher wisely. Many teachers have authority issues or still carry distorted energies relating to power, reputation, and money. Find a humble person, and always trust yourself. Ask questions. Be aware of red flags, but trust that the path you seek will be presented to you in synchronicity and with blessings. Always consult your guts and your sacrum. Even if your path should lead to some unsavory experiences for you (I dealt with sexual assault and the loss of some of my mentors within a certain lineage for example), the experiences may lead you into a much deeper understanding of that which you are seeking. We can't control how things will play out. It is so important to remember that your path is yours, and that you do not need to have a cult-like connection to your teachers, or an unwavering loyalty or obedience, or to shell out thousands of dollars. You can be on your own path without sacrificing your autonomy, and without having your teachings and training define who you are. They are simply tools that can be used to empower the heart, or the ego. The choice is up to you.
If you’ve been reading my blog, you know I’ve been dabbling a little in uncovering sexual repression and understanding the psychological nature of certain kinks. Bondage specifically, as well as age play, power dynamics, and pain/punishment. I have to say I admire the kink community so much for their willingness to not be ashamed of their bodies and desires. It’s absolutely revolutionary. I know there are a lot of high-vibrating empaths in the community, and there are also people who have been broken by life’s injustices. I don’t know how many of them are using kink to further their evolution, self expression, relationships, communication skills, and healing processes, but I imagine a good deal of them are. Thank you kinky people!
I also want to talk about Transparency. Transparency is a principle as well as a process. The process of living by the principle, involves polishing what is opaque until it becomes clear and shiny, psychologically speaking. It is the grand work of shadow transformation/alchemy, and my favorite topic. I dedicated myself to entering full transparency this year, no matter the ruts in the road. This means, there must be an unmasking. Nothing to hide, nor to hide from. There are subtle nuances and mastery practices to hone of course. For example, a person who lives in transparency does not simply speak the truth regardless of outcome. Transparency is see-through, and can see through. It is intuition-perception. It can see how the truth will be received. Being an aspect of light, it allows others to be where they are. It does not create more karma, but it clears the road, so everything in its path can come up to be dealt with, reconciled, healed. Transparency is the acceleration of frequency.
There is an entire book on this topic by Penney Peirce. It is called Transparency. I highly recommend it. Here are a few quotes she collected for her book:
A word is not a crystal, transparent and unchanged; it is the skin of a living thought and may vary greatly in color and content according to the circumstances and time in which it is used. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
The man who never avoids what he actually is will soon change and elevate whatever he is. - Vernon Howard
The largest part of what we call “personality” is determined by how we’ve opted to defend ourselves against anxiety and sadness. - Alain de Botton
Keep your heart clear and transparent, and you will never be bound. A single disturbed thought creates ten thousand distractions. - Ryokan
Now, part of my path toward full transparency (not just occilating from opacity to transparency and back again), involved shoveling through a bunch of shit. If I had to look at it as a linear process, I might say the first layers were denial and avoidance. Then repressed anger (I’m not as nice as I thought), then shame under that. Shame is always buried in the deepest parts of the basement. That shame for me revealed a lot of sexual repression, self-doubt, etc.
When I have anxiety about something, especially regarding a relationship I don’t want to lose, my process is to sit with it. It might say (fear) ‘I’m afraid of ruining this thing’. Then (anger) ‘I’m so tired of being unseen or unheard’. Then (shame) ‘What is wrong with me?’ Then (transparency) ‘I am facing something that has been hidden and repressed because of many generations of social conditioning. My ancestors repressed this thing for survival purposes, and I now reject myself.’ (As example, expressing one’s emotions may lead to rejection, ridicule, etc.). My society rejects this thing for reasons I’d rather not unpack now.
But here’s the thing about this revelation. I need to acknowledge who I am and what I am. I know that my emotional life is of primary importance to me. I have a poet’s heart, am highly sensitive, and am an emotional generator. I am a fountain of emotional abundance. This is not the same for everyone, but it is for many of us. For that, if I live in a society that shames emotional authenticity, I must face that reality at some point and how it affects my self-worth. The generations of programming and repression and fear. If emotions are not acceptable, then I am not acceptable. This is the shame.
To bring this to transparency requires COURAGE, passion.. It requires a big fat self-pep talk on an as-needed basis. And then to find clarity and skill in communication. Most of all it requires radical self-love. This is a mastery path that is extremely under-appreciated in society, outside of psychotherapy settings. So, this path feels awfully lonesome sometimes. Nevertheless we move forward.
Moving on to bondage. Well, the shame aspects of sexuality, self-doubt, all the stuff that is opaque, the perversion of the raw creative human potential, all that stuff is not just going to disappear just because it has finally been acknowledged. It takes some workshopping. Sexual expression is a powerful workshop option because, it connects the psyche, the emotions, the mind, brain, the need for human connection and relationship, and very importantly the body. What else can do that?
Side note: I know that a lot of western folks are super into tantra. It’s strictly spiritual I guess? I don’t know much about it. I have contacts in India who have told me tantra in India is considered very dark, and its practices are very dark. Something about graveyards and fecal matter? Don’t ask, I really don’t know. But the western take on it seems pretty spiritually oriented, love and light. That’s fine and all, but what does tantra say about bondage, flagellation, etc? Do all sexual aspects fit into that path?
Kink is cool because it lets you be raw and dirty. There are no airs about being holy. It’s a complete 180 from the puritanical environment that got us into this shame in the first place. So here’s my latest understanding of the bondage dynamic in my psyche.
Naturally, I am going to look at the inner child(ren), because those are the parts of us that feel the weight of separation and abandonment the most. The core wound many of us have. That child is like wtf, why have I been ignored and abandoned, what is wrong with me? I must be bad. I’m ashamed of myself now, for I have done something to be undeserving of total love, safety, affection, and emotional responsiveness. I suppose I’ll just be a good little girl/boy/person and hope someone loves me how I want them to, or, maybe I'll just be a little unruly and wreak havoc in my anger. Either way...
I’ll say it plain. Bondage feels to me like the part of the inner child that wants to belong, is having the experience of being literally tied up, nailed down, and bonded to someone they love on a very visceral, physical, and dense level. It’s not just some ethereal soul-bond. It’s a raw physical expression of belonging, and one that can bring the body, brain and psyche into alignment with that sense of belonging. This means the unmet need of that aspect of the soul and inner child can finally be met. At least in a workshop type of way. (This may not seem like much of a revelation but it's a far cry from shame, repression, and self-loathing!)
So, the paradox of bondage is... that it has the power to SET FREE subconscious material that has been bound up in opacity. Shame, self-doubt, fear, and self-love deficiencies can come to be acknowledged and played with. And what a nice way to have fun and connect with a lover too, no? Share your thoughts please! Xo
Disclaimer: bondage, like rock climbing, can be dangerous. You have to know about arteries, the nervous system, consent culture and practices, and communication. Please take some classes before engaging!
For a long time I've wondered, "why are there kinks?" Why do people like sex that employs uneven power dynamics? What's the deal with dom/sub stuff, BDSM, and this thing that I've recently acknowledged has kept me in a state of repression for the shame of it? I'm into sovereignty so how could I have a repressed kink about not-sovereignty? The idea of being owned, punished, etc. has been so shameful to me that I've had to deal with dreams of tigers full of milk, stalking me, dreams of velociraptors asleep in my bed. How scary. After all, I've spent my life trying to figure out how to be free, how to not be dominated, to not be controlled by another human being, entity, or system of oppression in general. To me these kinks seemed as bad as having to pay the government to kill people. Why is my shadow so persistent about it! Just let me enjoy vanilla and keep my dignity!
Well after acknowledging it as real for me, I started researching the BDSM community and practices, and how people have used it for healing, specifically. (I'm certainly not about to start up a new addiction). Many abuse and assault survivors, often those who suffered horribly as children even, have come to the BDSM world to work out their kinks. It seems to work when the emphasis within the community and within the relationship is on strict communication guidelines, negotiations, and trust. Expressing ones needs explicitly, and exploring the boundaries of pain in a controlled environment with someone you trust can heal major wounds. Why?
The masculine/feminine dynamic is interesting. There is a strong aspect of the feminine that wants to trust. She wants to surrender herself completely within the safety and security of an unwavering masculine protection. The masculine in high form is confident enough to be 100% accountable for his actions. He is trustworthy. He is safe. He is accountable. And a proper dom will be accountable and in control of his actions, to give to the sub whatever they desire, while the sub's power is in having complete control over the situation. They express what they want, what their boundaries are, and what their safe word will be should they choose to stop the interaction. The dom cannot fulfill this role without being a rock solid person, right? They are essentially givers, while the sub receives. But still, why does anyone want to be punished in role-play?
My conclusion about it is this: humans have a tendency to want to shirk responsibility sometimes. We project our blame and shame onto other people when we aren't self-aware. And when we are children, if we didn't have caretakers who were always responsible for us in the ways we needed, before our limbic system was attached to the frontal lobes, something there, a little kink forms. Why might I want someone to punish me? Because I haven't taken proper care of myself and I want someone else to hold me accountable for myself by punishing me. It means someone else is there to take care of me so I don't have to. The dom needs to be in full accountability because that is what the sub needs. This does exemplify a lack of self-love, which is a lack of self-accountability. Accountability is why we put expectations on others or boundaries around ourselves. The expectations and boundaries (or lack thereof) always reflect our level of inner accountability and inner love for ourselves. Sexuality is the perfect vehicle for exploring these unhealed aspects, isn't it?
Essentially my point is that in craving punishment, we are asking someone else to show us what it means to be accountable for loving ourselves. It came to me while I was screaming in a car with the windows rolled up.
I had recently had a marriage for my inner masculine and my inner feminine. I realized I had never connected with my inner masculine. Not ever. He was divorced from me. When I went to unite these parts of myself, I found that he was always there, perfect, devoted, amazing. He was truly fulfilling to my inner feminine, who had been so angry about his betrayal, which wasn't real. Anyway, I thought I would understand more about my sexuality after this union. And that I would be a better parent to my inner children as well. I still had kinks though, and I still don't necessarily trust another mortal enough to go down that road at this point. A friend of mine suggested I find my inner dom, and explore it on my own. So I'm screaming in a car, getting rid of some poison that was projected onto me as shame and resentment which wasn't mine. Primal scream therapy is still one of my favorite methods of release. So I'm accessing all this pain and screaming it out, and it's tiring, and out of nowhere this inner dom came into my consciousness. It's associated with the pain I was releasing, because the reason I had gotten involved with that pain in the first place was that I was not being accountable to myself. I didn't have proper boundaries or trust structures, I didn't find what I was looking for in another person. I found the opposite. Again. And here now I wanted to be punished for it. WHACK! "Now do you know your worth?" WHAM! "Now do you know what you deserve?"
Yes. Yes I do.
Hi! Welcome to my blog. I am a quantum and shamanic practitioner and energy worker, an herbalist, and an educator. My current spiritual hobbies include exploring interdimensional realms, planetary gridwork/lightwork, ceremony work, sound technologies, and shadow integration. I identify as empath, high-sensitive, and starseed. My mission is to serve spiritual evolution through love, and the reclamation of spiritual sovereignty.